Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?

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(816): View more from Missouri

you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too

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(631): View more from New York

So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished

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(512): View more from Texas

I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town

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