wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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