I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
