I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize