You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had sex on a roof
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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