I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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