I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
