honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
