Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
