he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
