Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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