if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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