wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
