So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
