wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
