if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
