I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
