drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
