So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
