i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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