Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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