I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
