theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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