I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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