didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We named our party play list daddy issues
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Randomize
