so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
