My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
