Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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