Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize