So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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