If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i've created a new STD.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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