I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
