It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
