I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
