I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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