I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this must be what syphilis tastes like
where are you?
Hypothermia
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
