Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
