Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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