I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
