How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
