she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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