GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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