But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
