See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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