Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
