The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
