Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
