Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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