The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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