She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
