I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
