maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
