I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
