you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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