Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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