I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's shark week go big or go home
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
