Sponge bath it is.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
