I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
