Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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