So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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