my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
