If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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