Your dad touched me again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
