is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
