it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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