I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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