I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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