Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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