party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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