we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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