Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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