Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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