Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
