Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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