If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
